This is my last wish

It has been about a month since I have been dumped. I have been riding on the emotional rollarcoster of hell. I don’t know if this is the end of the ride, or if I am just on top of another drop, happy. Either way I would like to say that I have learned a lot about myself from this whole experience. Everything happens for a reason and that though it may seem bad at the time, good things are coming. I don’t need a guy to define who I am. I have dreams, hopes and wishes. I have said my last goodbye, and though I have not yet completely let go, I am no longer yours. Life goes on before and after you. (Wishes- Superchick) I am smiling, I am still breathing, and  I am still here.

this is the tale of the broken hearted

It’s not that I want to feel the pain from havin my heart break. It’s not that I live to be untrusting or that I like to play hard to get, it’s not even that I think it makes me smart. I just don’t want to be hurt. I can’t trust people, no matter how hard I try. I always feel let down if I put my heart into something so I don’t see the point anymore. I want to be free from this though. It’s just scary when your anchor is now the tenticle or when the positive things turn out to be negatives. I am scared of being hurt again. I don’t like the convulsions of tears I cry when my heart shatters. I’ve had it happen twice in my whole life and Tre deserves my trust but I can’t give it to him in fear of him becoming a tenticle. He keeps me sane and happy and loving, what if he becomes the reason I’m not? I know I have friends and Mike who is so amazing, but Tre is my best friend and takes up so much of my life. I love him and I am terrified of it. *sigh* My insanity is becoming less beautiful and more rusted as time moves on. Maybe I should try and be normal?

fictionalized reality

“I think I am going insane.” He said with a small smile setting off to the side. His smile was bright and made her relax with the simple gesture. She looked into his dark chocolate brown eyes trying to decipher what exactly was going through his mind. “Why?” She asked in response, slightly letting her head tilt to the side in humor. “Because I can’t stop thinking about you.” He replied, his smile widening. His arms were around her then. All was right in their world.

all you need is love

I had to put this in here, it makes me happy when I see it

and so the lion fell in love with the lamb

So I am very happy right now. I don’t feel like writing so this will be brief. So Friday- hair done, which looks amazing! After I went to the Wheels Inn with Jessica, Viola, Tre<3, Alex and Scott. Tre was absolutely amazing, I don’t know how I can not love him. Today was TWILIGHT! It was the best movie I have ever seen. Man, I love it. Tre is going to read the first book now apparently:P It’s crazy how similar me and bella, and tre and edward are. It gives me hope that maybe Tre and I will and can last forever. I love him so much. I don’t go a second without thinking about him. I cry when I think about not being his, God… can I be more attached? I hope not because right now I don’t belong to myself. I love you.