Is it sad that Gene Simmons is the reason that I feel like I can endure anything right now? I recently read an interview he had in Maclean’s magazine, in which he stated, “Hopefully, the one thing I gave Sophie {his daughter} was the clear information that she should never define herself by men. Women’s magazines are so ego-destroying, the worst piece of trash you can read. Here’s why: they feed the insecurities and weakness of women. There are always lists: “10 things he likes about you,” “10 things to look younger”- this endless self-torture. Men’s magazines never, ever talk about what women want. Men don’t care.” Thank you for helping me see this Gene! I never thought of the male vs women differences like this. Clearly, especially seeing as I am only 16, I really shouldn’t be wasting my time on worrying about how to make myself appealing to men. I will be me, because damn, I AM worth it.
Man! He is a jerk! Change is an understatement for what happened to him! I am glad I am not hurting as much. The hole may still be there, but I am alright. He can date that new skank. Maybe they will be happy together? He seems to go for the complete opposite of me. Good for him for being able to forget a year and a half. I kinda wish I could.
This is not originally written by me, but i think it describes me perfectly.
I am not confident.
I know I am smart, but not in the ways that count.
I read people much better than books but I never
Have the words to explain my findings.
I’m only as funny as I feel.
And I do not think I’m pretty.
I sometimes walk with my head down.
My posture is terrible.
I think horrible things about people and I let
My emotions get the best of me.
I’m really not as nice as I’d like to be,
or as innocent as you’d think I am.
I am a perfectionist.
I am a contradiction to everything I want to stand for.
I’m a big dreamer with little motivation.
I am really no good at all, on my own.
But I am analytical with myself.
And I don’t understand how anyone could ever be cocky
Or proud when they are aware of all the disgusting things
That they think and do, but no one knows.
We’re all broken enough to be humble.
It has been about a month since I have been dumped. I have been riding on the emotional rollarcoster of hell. I don’t know if this is the end of the ride, or if I am just on top of another drop, happy. Either way I would like to say that I have learned a lot about myself from this whole experience. Everything happens for a reason and that though it may seem bad at the time, good things are coming. I don’t need a guy to define who I am. I have dreams, hopes and wishes. I have said my last goodbye, and though I have not yet completely let go, I am no longer yours. Life goes on before and after you. (Wishes- Superchick) I am smiling, I am still breathing, and I am still here.
I find myself stuck. That is probably the best way to describe my situation in life right now. In many aspects too, not just one.
First off, relationships. I understand why my parents did not want me to date in high school. It is not because how fickle they can be; it’s that they never work out. Guaranteed someone will get hurt at one point in time. So why do we date? I date because I need the closeness of someone there to fall back on. Someone I know that will always be there for me to trust. When Tre broke up with me I was lost. Ryan helped me a lot. Now Tre says how he just wants to be friends, but also how he misses me and loves me. I don’t want to let go of him. I now have Ryan who is 20. Who is one of the best guys I have ever met, he’d do anything for me and he is very sweet. I am stuck.
Secondly, concentrating on school work is not the easiest to do when you have been dumped, or when you are sick at home. It is so hard to buckle down and do what I have to. I need extremely high marks but I am having issues pushing myself. I am coughing like mad and I still have to study for my huge English test. I did get a 4++ on my essay though. I am stuck.
Thirdly, life in general has stopped for me. I am dangling around right now. I feel so overwhelmed with work and school. I do have some free time, but I use that to see friends, that’s not a bad thing is it? I just don’t know if being so stressed is worth it. Do I really want to go to a great university and work ever harder, just to get a great job and work yet again, hard? I was actually thinking about becoming a nun. Yes, a nun. They don’t have to deal with boys, they help people all the time, they don’t have to stress about deadlines and such, and they are happy! I am stuck.
