I cry because there is nothing else to do. You left and I continue to stand here like a fool. I don’t want you, my mind and heart is sure of that. It’s that I miss you, I miss the guy I spent so much of my time with. He knew everything about me and I was able to speak so freely. You didn’t feel any of that though did you? You found it so easy to move on to other girls. How many have you set your eyes upon since you left? Or were they already on your mind with me by your side? I can’ even call you friend, because you flinch when yo see me. I guess you never felt like I did.. I guess I am just easy to replace. I shouldn’t care either. My lips haven’t been so lonely as my heart. He helps me more than you ever have. He’s better than you ever were. But you still hurt me. I wish I could go free, please release me.

“But who will catch all the spiders?” The girls eyes welled up with hot tears as she stared into his. “Catch your own.” He snarled, with the least bit of emotion. He just didn’t care. She stood there as the blow formed a bruise. Like all bruises it would get black and painful, but as time passes it would fade. This made him feel better,  this is why he didn’t have to care; it’s all temporary.

Secret #20

I want someone to read this, fall madly in love with me, and make all my problems go away.

Is it sad that Gene Simmons is the reason that I feel  like I can endure anything right now? I recently read an interview he had in Maclean’s magazine, in which he stated, “Hopefully, the one thing I gave Sophie {his daughter} was the clear information that she should never define herself by men. Women’s magazines are so ego-destroying, the worst piece of trash you can read. Here’s why: they feed the insecurities and weakness of women. There are always lists: “10 things he likes about you,” “10 things to look younger”- this endless self-torture. Men’s magazines never, ever talk about what women want. Men don’t care.” Thank you for helping me see this Gene! I never thought of the male vs women differences like this. Clearly, especially seeing as I am only 16, I really shouldn’t be wasting my time on worrying about how to make myself appealing to men. I will be me, because damn, I AM worth it.

Man! He is a jerk! Change is an understatement for what happened to him! I am glad I am not hurting as much. The hole may still be there, but I am alright. He can date that new skank. Maybe they will be happy together? He seems to go for the complete opposite of me. Good for him for being able to forget a year and a half. I kinda wish I could.