Secret #20
I want someone to read this, fall madly in love with me, and make all my problems go away.
Is it sad that Gene Simmons is the reason that I feel like I can endure anything right now? I recently read an interview he had in Maclean’s magazine, in which he stated, “Hopefully, the one thing I gave Sophie {his daughter} was the clear information that she should never define herself by men. Women’s magazines are so ego-destroying, the worst piece of trash you can read. Here’s why: they feed the insecurities and weakness of women. There are always lists: “10 things he likes about you,” “10 things to look younger”- this endless self-torture. Men’s magazines never, ever talk about what women want. Men don’t care.” Thank you for helping me see this Gene! I never thought of the male vs women differences like this. Clearly, especially seeing as I am only 16, I really shouldn’t be wasting my time on worrying about how to make myself appealing to men. I will be me, because damn, I AM worth it.
Man! He is a jerk! Change is an understatement for what happened to him! I am glad I am not hurting as much. The hole may still be there, but I am alright. He can date that new skank. Maybe they will be happy together? He seems to go for the complete opposite of me. Good for him for being able to forget a year and a half. I kinda wish I could.
This is not originally written by me, but i think it describes me perfectly.
I am not confident.
I know I am smart, but not in the ways that count.
I read people much better than books but I never
Have the words to explain my findings.
I’m only as funny as I feel.
And I do not think I’m pretty.
I sometimes walk with my head down.
My posture is terrible.
I think horrible things about people and I let
My emotions get the best of me.
I’m really not as nice as I’d like to be,
or as innocent as you’d think I am.
I am a perfectionist.
I am a contradiction to everything I want to stand for.
I’m a big dreamer with little motivation.
I am really no good at all, on my own.
But I am analytical with myself.
And I don’t understand how anyone could ever be cocky
Or proud when they are aware of all the disgusting things
That they think and do, but no one knows.
We’re all broken enough to be humble.
Sometimes when everything just crashes down, all I need is a nice melody and reflective lyrics. Poetry opens my soul and washes out all the sadness. Knowing someone can write a song and describe my feelings provides me with hope. So cheers for the rock stars of the world! I owe you my non-slit wrists. A song that is my most recent shrink is Satellite Heart by Anya Marina. I think the lyrics firmly describe how I have been feeling lately, how my life has been lately. It has been on repeat for the past 15 minutes, but hey, if it makes the sun shine, right?
So pretty/so smart
Such a waste of a young heart!
What a pity / what a sham
What’s the matter with you, man?
Don’t you see it’s wrong/ can’t you get it right?
Out of mind and outta sight
Call on all your girls, don’t forget the boys
Put a lid on all that noise!
I’m a satellite heart/ lost in the dark
I’m spun out so far/ you stop, I start
But I’ll be true to you
I hear you’re living out of state, running in a whole new scene
They say i haven’t slept in weeks, you’re the only thing i see
I’m a satellite heart/ lost in the dark
I’m spun out so far/ you stop, I start
But I’ll be true to you
I’m a satellite heart/ lost in the dark
I’m spun out so far/ you stop I start
But I’ll be true to you no matter what you do/ yeah I’ll be true to you
