<3</3!!..&&**

It’s raining.

All day.

And I have nothing to do. So I deicided to paint my nails, workout and just bum around the house. I found myself on facebook and thinking about myself. I don’t know about me. I can’t even write anything decent anymore. I can’t take a single nice picture of myself, and when I look in the mirror I find myself as less than beautiful. (By that I mean severely ugly.) I am not sure what has changed in me. Perhaps it is just the day. I don’t know, I just hope it passes soon. I hate seeing all the talent and fun and beauty everyone else has, I feel like everyone looks down on me. Everyone changed during the summer, everyone became even more pretty. Me, I went the opposite way. Nothing big had changed, I just wasn’t as chummy with everyone as I was, I was less pleased with myself. I wish I wasn’t like this. It is quite depressing and confusing. Blargh.

Ketchup!

Wow I feel horrible. I have yet to write for a whole MONTH! I am sorry. I wasn’t even busy, I suppose I just ahd nothing going on in my mind. Though, I think I have had some very compelling thoughts lately. Let me catch you up to speed a little bit…

Firstly, my life has been kidnapped by my boyfriends basketball schedule. The last game was last weekend. We won kent so everyone was happy. Classes are ging quite well, absolutely no complaints there. Tre and I have been… okay I suppose. We have been having little tats a lot lately but they are all caused by my less than sane brain. Plus our one year is creeping up so it will get a tad harder.

So why am I writting now? I am not too sure myself. I have this small incling that I am meant to write something. Something that is very meaningful and will speak to many and maybe even change somethings with the world. I don’t know. I have come to the conclusion that it is God speaking to me. I don’t know. Anyhow…

Lately I have been thinking about University and where I am going to go with my life. I have always loved business and marketing seems to fit me like a glove- I ove that saying. I have fallen in love with York Universities Schulich Business school. It’s fabulous. But I need a 90 average. That is very hard for me to get, seeing as I can only pull off 80’s. I am going to try real hard though. I can do it if I try hard enough, and if I don’t make it at least I kow I will have the highest mark I can get. It’s a very studious school; but you only need a 70 in two University maths. Which is good because I don’t have much of an aptitude for it.

I am scared to leave though. Living in a small town and going three hours away to Toronto to go to school is a big thing. My sister went to York for Graphic Design years ago and managed. She lives there now so I will have her at least. But leaving behind all I know and love will be hard. Tre will be the hardest. I hope he goes to College in Toronto just so I won’t have to give up seeing him. I don’t know if I could… He might go to somewhere in the States. He’s a football guy so..

Speaking of football! Tryouts are the 9th and 11th! Which means the season will be here soon! I LOVE it. I realized last night that there is only four months left of school then it will be summer again. More than half the school year is done. It amazes me and saddens me how fast everything is going. Soon I will be old and grey and my boobs will be touching the floor. Thinking about how fast it all goes makes me want to spend it all with Tre even more. Which scares me. Man, I have a lot of issues. Sometimes I think that it would be better if I stopped thinking. I don’t think that is possible though.

It’s kinda rad like that

So one more exam and I am FREE! It is a great feeling. I am extremely bored and I don’t feel like doing much other than talking to Tre. As much as I hated this past semester, I will miss it. I will really miss Mr.T and business class. I am hoping next year if I take history I will get him. I have a class with Tre next semester, given it is last period but that’s okay. I also have english with Matt which will be awesome! It will be good. Plus with footabll comming up soon, along with muskoka and nyc. Man it is going to be awesome. I am also hoping to get a job.. somewhere. Save up and buy myself a cell phone. I swear it’s like me and one other guy that don’t own cells in my whole school. Like we are even doing a song in choir using our cell phones.. but I do not have one. Lame right? That’s okay though I have a lot of other things. I recently went to the ymca with Tre to kind of pre-train. It was amazing. I really think I can pull this off with him by my side. I honestly don’t think anyone could stick by me through everything like he has. I have been so attracted to him lately too. The longer we are together the better. But I am worried because I don’ want to do anything I may regret. I am a good girl though, and I know I am not ready. It’s been good

procrastination post

I really don’t want to study. I know I have to because I have less than a week before my first exam starts. But I really don’t want too. I wish I could skip the next week and a half. Just skip till next semester when I won’t have math or science. I have worked out, cleaned, cooked, and helped put away the groceries just to avoid sitting down and struggling through my math review. Now I have resulted in writing a very boring pointless blog. It’s not having to do the work, I really don’t mind math. It’s that I don’t understand one unit, and lucky me, it’s the biggest chunk of the exam. So I know I will have to sit there and read over everything until I understand it. I really don’t want to. I will never be using this stuff after school. I want to get into business marketing so I have to take math every year. Blah. Even with the help of teachers, very smart friends, and well there isn’t anyone else but I still don’t get it. I know that I am the only one that can make myself understand it, so here I go, into the torture of studying for exams. Yay. Oh new plan for next semester. Hopefully I will geta  job, and secondly, Tre plans to train me and help me work out all summer and stuff. I can’t help myself get fit alone, but now with Tre I hopefully will be able to. Anyways math. Toodels

burning truth

Secret #17.

I try too hard to make myself interesting to everyone. I don’t hate myself, but I can’t say I love myself either. I hate fakers, but I don’t think I am much more honest.